Life lessons from Jaworski and Costner

I have read this book in it's entirety at least three times now. I have scanned it even more times over the last couple of years that I have been involved in our leadership program. For some reason this time, this  particular section is really speaking to me and I am having a hard time pulling my thoughts together and separating what speaks to me personally with what I want to share with the group tomorrow.  

What is it about this section that is grabbing me today?   For starters, the idea of being open to the universe and accepting of what comes along.  This is a theme that has been showing up in several books I have been reading lately...The Happiness Project, 29 Gifts, Big Magic, BadAss, Thrive....and more. It's like I am being surrounded by this message lately.  This directive to be open. To trust.  To embrace new opportunities.  

I recently had an experience where someone presented an idea to me...an opportunity I wasn't seeking. One that I immediately dismissed.  One that if you asked me even 5 minutes before I would have laughed at.  Once the seed was planted though, it didn't want to let go. So, after talking to lots of people about the pros and cons, I finally realized I didn't have any choice but to follow up on it.....the idea wasn't letting go.  So, I did. And now I am waiting on the outcome.   Either way....I seized the moment!  And in that regards, I can relate to what Jaworski is saying.  I get it.   

Jaworski talks about three fundamental shifts we need to make in order to embrace synchronicity.  First, we have to change our mental models of how the world works. We have to move away from the fixed and determined model to an open, flowing, and interconnected model.  This model maintains that the future is not fixed.....we create the future ourselves each and every moment.   What do I think about that?   I love it!  I love the idea that the future is not set in stone. The idea that the possibilities are endless. That I could someday head off to into the wilds to teach English in a foreign land. To live in a cabin somewhere surrounded by nature. To wake up some morning, walk out on my deck, and watch the waves crash against the shore.  There is hope for something more.  This calls to the wanderer in me. The wanderer that is in constant battle with the quote/unquote adult in me.   But this model....says you don't have to be limited by one reality. It says I can roam the world.  My story is not finished and I can choose the next chapter.  Wow......that calls to me! That reminds me of my dreams.  That.....makes me wonder why I fight my wanderlust so hard.   How can I embrace it instead?  Find the balance necessary to embrace both the wanderer and the sensible sides. What actions can I take that will create the future I crave?

The second fundamental shift is in our understandings of relationships. The connections between people....our own encounters with ermines (sorry, you have to know the book to get that reference). This shift says that we are all connected. There are threads linking each of us and pulling us together.  I and Thou.   Connections.   Human connections are so strong.  I didn't always recognize that. For several years I didn't see the good in others...or myself for that matter. But now, I get it.  Relationships are critical. They comfort us, guide us, strengthen us, and sustain us.  Over the past year I have worked hard to build relationships, cultivate friendships, let people know I value them, and find my community.   I remember a moment on Sunday when I realized that I was headed off on an adventure with four wonderful people that I considered friends.  I felt such a sense of ...... joy, belonging-ness, and fulfillment that I could share the experience with them. Today, I posted a statement on my FB page referencing a moment of anxiety I had when I read a reference to a gunman being spotted near a business and for a moment I had a flashback to October 1.   In less than an hour, I had phone calls, texts, and messages from people saying "hey, I'm here and I care."  I can't even begin to express how amazing that felt.   One friend even said, you were on my mind and then I check FB and saw your post."  Threads that connect us.  It's real.

Finally, he says we have to a fundamental shift in the nature of our commitments.  He says that "commitment starts not with will, but with willingness." How powerful is that?  Willingness.  The "ness" will get you every time (channeling my inner Owen Wilson right there)    He talks about "standing in a state of surrender" and being ready for whatever comes. I love that visual and  I really like the idea of  just being open and accepting  that the Universe, fate, the Ultimate BadAss....whatever  it is...will provide opportunities when the time is right. Not necessarily when we think we are ready. Not when we want it.  But when the time is right. And all we have to do is be ready to accept and move with it.   Right?  How amazing.

This message, is the one that keeps showing up everywhere I go.   Jen Sencero, (You Are a BadAss), talks about this a lot.  Trusting the universe to provide what you need. Asking for what you need and accepting that it is available to you. Striving to manifest your desires. I experienced this other day with an unexpected cash inflow that came at just the right moment to do something I really desired.  As soon as I happened, I thought of some of Jen's stories and had an "aha" moment!   The Secret talks about this concept from a more religious perspective, but the idea is the same. Trust that it will come when the time is right.  Is there something to this? 

Not that we don't have a responsibility to work towards our goals, instead that we have to do what needs to be done, while keeping an eye out and being open to what comes.   It's not enough to just build it and hope that "he will come."  It's more that we have to build it, we prepare for it, we prepare for him, we remain vigilant, and when we see him...we run out and greet him and make ourselves available in whatever way is needed.   Jaworski and Costner.....who could ask for more?? 

Does this help me with my presentation tomorrow?  Not really. But at least now that I have gotten all of this out, perhaps I can spend some time narrowing down my focus.

~D~

12 ...no wait...13 Commandments--#TheHappinessProject

Currently reading The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.  Such an eye opening read.   Gretchen has her Twelve Commandments, Secrets of Adulthood, and Two Supreme Rules...so far.

Got me thinking...what are my Twelve Commandments, Secrets of Adulthood, and do I have any Supreme Rules?  Let's start with the Happiness Commandments

Gretchen's Twelve Commandments are:

1. Be Gretchen

2. Let it Go

3. Act the way I want to Feel.

4. Do it Now

5. Be Polite and be Fair.

6. Enjoy The Process.

7. Spend Out.

8. Identify the Problem.

9. Lighten Up.

10. Do What Ought to be Done.

11. No Calculation.

12. There is Only Love.

I am only halfway through her year (June), so I don't know yet how she is addressing all twelve of those, but I have been impressed and inspired by the parts I have read.

So, let's see what my Commandments are....in no particular order.....

1. Be Debi....I think I will copy that one.   I have been working on this for the last two years, and it seems like a solid guiding principle for me. 

2. Be Kind. Be Safe. Be Neat...as a preschool teacher (a lifetime ago), I had three rules for my class, Be kind, Be Safe, Be Neat.  I got that slogan at a training somewhere and I found that it could apply to every situation I encountered and it was easy for the students to remember.  

3. Respect... Myself & Others.... treasure and cultivate friendships, show others I value them, accept them for who they are and offer myself the same courtesy I would offer others in terms of forgiveness, acceptance, and tolerance. 

4. Laugh Every Day....laughter heals and is contagious, find ways to embrace that. 

5. Be Generous...or giving?  Give to others...that's the point. Through kind words, actions, donations, gifts, etc.  Give.

6. Get Outside....read an article the other day that said being out in trees actually helps elevate our moods. It talked about something scientific, I don't recall the details, but I can attest to the reality.

7. Move Every Day...as in my body.   Feel good physically, feel good mentally. 

8. Challenge Myself..as in my brain.  Step outside my comfort zone and explore new things...wait that's another one...

9. Explore...the world around me...I have already been focused on this, so it seems appropriate to include it.

10. Simplify Life...as in declutter my space, declutter my mind, pare down, only keep what I value and what brings me joy.

11. Do What Needs to be Done...I'm going to claim that one too.  I tried to find another way to say it, but I think Gretchen nailed it!  Just do what needs to be done....As Nike says, "Just Do It!" or as in the infamous words of Larry the Cable Guy..."Get 'er Done!"

12.  Embrace Joy!

There is my list!  It sounds a little more selfish than hers did. However, I know from reading about her first six months of the project that making yourself happy helps to make others happy and making others happy, helps to make you happy! It's a happy circle!

Happiness Project....challenge accepted!

Wait....I forgot one...an important one!  That would be 13. Can I have 13 Commandments?  Of course I can, they are my commandments. I can have a million if I want, although that might me a little hard to manage. But 13, 13 I can do....

13.  BE Creative.  

Finding my Shadow

Last year (2015) was all about finding my peace.  I spent the year seeking acceptance of myself, my life, my choices, and me...I know I said that twice, but it bears repeating. And I succeeded.   While nothing extrinsically changed in my life, I managed to calm my mind, let go of the toxicity of the previous couple of years, and make the changes that were necessary to find peace.   As an added bonus, I found happiness.  

It feels weird to say that. Really weird. Towards the end of the year, October 2015, I experienced two life altering events that changed me forever. The first was a mass shooting at the school I worked it. 8 students, 1 instructor, and the shooter all lost their lives that day while I sat hiding in the next building. Then later month my first grandchild was born with serious health issues and had to fight to survive.  You can't imagine pain until a doctor tells you to prepare to say goodbye  to a precious baby.  Fortunately, the little one has other plans and thanks to great providers, lots of love, and a sheer will to survive he pulled through.  So, how can I talk about finding happiness after all that?  Because I made it. Because I came through it changed but stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I am not minimizing either event They were both unimaginable events that reshaped my future-but those stories are for another day when I am ready to revisit them. This story is about coming out the other side. Stronger. Scarred. And yes, happier.

I am still plagued my many of the same self-doubts as most of the rest of the human race, or at least those of us in the U.S.   I'm not wealthy enough, I am not fit enough, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough....but the difference is I also recognized and accepted that I AM enough, just as I am, right now, today. Whatever my current reality is, it is enough.  I am enough.  That feels pretty good.

I wasn't sure whether or not it was reflecting outwards until a couple of months ago when a coworker happened to ask me what was going on in my life. They said I seemed to "radiate happiness."  What a nice thing to hear!  I believe this person was alluding to the fact that they suspected I had one of them "there men folk" in my life, but really it's just that I have me in my life. I found me....sort of like Peter Pan finding his shadow...I found my peace.


~D~