Unconscious Bias-- or is it? Whatever it is, it's time to do better

 This weekend I have become acutely aware of the subtle ways society disrespects women and conditions them to be okay with it. It started at a basketball game. But once you start looking, it's tough to un-see it. And suddenly it's everywhere. Of course, it has always been everywhere, you have just been complacent in it--- and that, dear me, is the real problem.  Complacency allows bad things to continue unchecked. 

It has me thinking....

• Why are all the female teams lady this or lady that, Gal something, or the "ness". When you see a bobcat in the wild, do you stop and say... "well, that's not actually a bobcat--it's a lady cat"  or worse a "gal-cat'? What is that all about?  And more importantly....why are we okay with this?  Why do we tolerate it?  The female teams are bobcats, pirates, Vikings, or any other ridiculous mascot you can come up with. What is the point of adding the "lady" or "gal" in front, or the "ness" at the end? This is on the same level as the whole "lady boss" debacle and NO ONE needs that in their life.  Let's put an end to this sexist trend and focus on the awesome-"ness" of all the ATHLETES

• WHY do the boy's games have a halftime but not the girls? Do the girls not get tired after two periods?  Are they not working as hard as the boys? Is their sport not as physically grueling?  I mean, I am not much of a ball player, but I can tell you those girls I was watching yesterday left it ALL on the floor. They were badass and unapologetic about it.  And yet...no break for them. 4 periods, 8 minutes.  Power through. The boys' team on the other hand...2 periods of 8 minutes, a half-time break, followed by two more 8-minute periods.  They got a chance to at least partially rest and recover from all the running, blocking, shooting, and whatever else happens on the floor.  But the girls, nope. Power through. Push on. No break for you. I mean, after all, we have to get you off the floor so the REAL athletes can start.  But really, if you look at it....who's the tougher athlete in this scenario? The ones who got to relax and take a break or the ones who powered through?  We know who the real badasses are. 
  
  
• Still with the game....why do only boys' teams get cheerleaders?  I mean the boys' team was not playing while the girls were playing.  Couldn't they be required to come out and cheer for the girls? Support their teammates?  I am not saying they need to wear a cheerleader costume and shake their pom-poms--because really that is a whole other issue in itself. But, they could certainly sit in the stands, in their practice jerseys, and cheer on the team.  To be fair, there were a few members of both male teams standing outside the dressing room--- laughing and joking around with their friends. Paying very little attention or respect to their teammates.   But you know what, as soon as the girls' game was done, they were dressed--some in regular clothes and others in cheerleading costumes-- and posted up courtside to cheer on the boys' team.  Is there a reason ALL students are not taught or expected to support their teammates? Is that expectation--- or maybe just that generosity-- unique to females?

• And lest you think all of my examples came from a high school basketball game, let me tell you about a meeting I went to recently. Two speakers were there. One was invited as the primary speaker and was asked to speak for about 20 minutes.  This speaker has a doctorate in education and is a member of the state education agency. The second speaker was invited as a secondary speaker and was asked to speak for about 10 minutes. This speaker holds a prominent position in a local rural school district and does not have a doctorate degree.  The primary speaker-- who holds a state position and a higher degree-- spoke for 10 minutes (or less) and constantly referred to the second speaker as if they were the expert.  Then when the secondary speaker's time came, they spoke for 20-plus minutes and referred to the first speaker without using their hard-earned title of DR (this is a major pet peeve of mine. I am not saying use the title in everyday interactions. But in professional settings? Abso-freaking -lutely. Honor the degree). IMHO they even slid in a few jabs at the primary speaker's approach (but I might be sensitive to it).  Okay, if you have been following me throughout this chat, you can probably figure out which speaker was female and which one was male. 
  
  
• Now please note, I am not saying either of these speakers did any of these actions intentionally. I am sure that the first speaker (who, as you now know, was female) was being polite and respectful by trying to share the time with and acknowledge the second speaker. I am also sure that the second speaker (male) never intentionally tried to take more time than he was allotted, position himself as the authoritative one, or disrespect speaker number one. And THAT'S my point. It's so ingrained that it becomes our unconscious way of being.  It's just the way things are.  I do wonder though, do you think the primary speaker learned what was expected during her early school years--perhaps on a "lady" sports team. Was she conditioned to defer? 
  
  
• I am also aware that not ALL school districts disrespect their female athletes so blatantly-- but it does seem to be the rule more than the exception. And I am also sure it is not limited to sports. 

So, what's the big deal, right? Why am I bothered by this? Boys' sports take priority. It doesn't mean the girls aren't important, it's just the way things are.  The girls don't mind.  They don't mind being called ladies and gals. They don't mind that smaller crowds attend their games (although that could be due to the earlier start time -- which is another subtle slight).  It's just the way sports work.  

Here is why it's an issue.  This process is teaching these girls to accept less. To ask for less. To be smaller even.  We are conditioning our young women to accept their place in this "man's world." Play hard, leave it all on the floor.  Then when your game is over, come out and cheer on the real team.  

Boys, who become men, are taught to take up space.  To be loud.  To be direct. To be an authority. To be in charge. To demand respect.   Even their deeper voices seem to command an audience to listen.  Is that their fault? Should they take up less space? Ask for less respect?  No, of course not.  But --- could we perhaps teach our girls--who become women-- the same things? Could we treat them the same way?  Could we encourage them to demand respect? To take up space. To be loud. To be direct. To be in charge. To never back down. Never defer.  To never accept less than they want, deserve, or earn.  To be THEMSELVES.  

I hope my granddaughters never experience this. I want them to go to a school where their teams are not labeled with feminine add-ons to differentiate them from the "real" players and where parents, community members, school leaders, and classmates support ALL teams equally. Regardless of gender.   I want my granddaughters to grow up to become strong, confident, independent, respected women--- and to NEVER be belittled or labeled because of it. Is that too much to ask for? 

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better,  do better." 

It's 2024.  I think as a society, we know better.  Now it's time to step up and DO BETTER.