Family History

My mom was recently accepted into the Steel Magnolias organization, which is a genealogy group based on women who supported a Confederate Soldier by picking up all the slack and running the households while their male counterparts were off fighting in the war. We are from Texas, so the majority of our family fought with the Confederacy. It's just the way it was. 

So, my mom's great-great-grandmother was Sara Jane Moore Rogers Bennett (that's a lot of names).  She was married to Richmond Oliver Bennett who fought in the war. There are a lot of cool stories about Richmod and his time in the service. I will try to remember to record those later, but this story is about Sara. 

Isn't it wild that my mom's great-great grandparents were alive during the way? I mean, my kids have great-great grandparents. It just doesn't seem far enough back. That's only four generations back from me.  Wild.  Wait, four? Is that right?  Yes, if they were mom's great-great, they would be my great-great-great.  Insane! 

Sara lived to be 100 years old! My grandmother remembers her because she lived with her grandparent

..... Not sure where I was going with this post. But I am going to go ahead and publish it as a reminder to revisit it one day.

Welcome back old friend.....

Morning pages. This is a thing I am doing right now. I have been listening to The Artist's Way, and one of the tasks — the one I have embraced —is the idea of morning pages. Every day, you start your day with three pages of free writing. They recommend handwritten over typing. I started out with that for a week, but found myself thinking about this blog and wanting to revise it. I like the typing feel. The typewriter effect. So, since it is my Artist Way, I'm switching gears. 

 Over the years, blogging has been a wonderful creative outlet for me. I still mourn my original blog--the one that carried me through the pre- and post-divorce years. I lost it when I deleted the email address in my former name. I occasionally think of it and wish I could find a way to get it back. Since then, this new blog has taken on multiple forms: a travel blog, a hiking log, book reviews, personal stories from my early years, and stories shared by my grandfather. He is 99 now and still sharing stories! I haven't been consisten,t though, and I may not be consistent now. But it is time to revive it. It's been a minute.

So, let's dive into the morning pages. What's on my mind today? Thinking about my travel trailer and what to do with it. I want to set a permanent home for it. But the question is, where would that location be? If I set up something here on the property in Texas, it can serve as a guest room when (and if) my kids or grands ever decide to visit with me. Of course, I also like the idea of hauling it to Oregon and finding a permanent rental space on the coast or on a lake somewhere. That sounds really amazing-- and something I would get a lot more use out of! Something within an hour or two of my house--a place to run to for the weekend. The issue is getting it there. I need a truck for the haul, but don't want to buy a truck for reals. That means a rental. Problem solved! That was easy! The application will be the issue. Next thing on my mind--an Artist Date. That is another task in the book.

A weekly solo date to explore something creative. What does that mean for me today--my date day? I am having lunch with my cousins at 1:00, and then I will visit some Goodwills to take photos of the Lufkin murals. I always wanted to do that when I lived here full-time, but I never did. Today is the day. I have been painting pages in my art journal, getting it ready for other displays. I enjoy the process, and it is something I have been missing in Oregon. I don't have a designated space to keep my art supplies, so I can pop in quickly to paint a page or create a collage. 

 Here in Texas, I have the paint out on my table and can sit down quickly and complete a couple of pages between other events. I need to figure out a way to have this same environment in my Oregon space. I don't have much space, but I can figure out something. 

What is the equivalent of three handwritten pages in terms of typing? Have I met my goal today? This was a sporadic set of morning pages-- all over the place! I will get better with practice. I need to ease my way back into the routine. For now, let's head off for a day of exploring! 

 Thank you, my dear imaginary friend, for listening!

Apples, Oats, Fish, Beans and Avocados...

 ...that's it.  Those are the things I need to eat EVERY Day! Why?  Well about a week ago I found out my cholesterol is at 239.   Anything over 200 is considered high and some sources say 150 is best.  And  I am 239. Not cool. Now this is not a total shock. I have known that cholesterol was a struggle for me for about three years.  I made some changes back then and managed to get it under control. 

Unfortunately, over the last year, I let go of some of those habits...actually, to be honest, I let go of ALL my good habits.  I mean, I just dropped the ball big time.  Of course, here I am again. 

What's the plan? I did a bunch of research and came up with some key foods to avoid and others to eat.  So, what I am eating.....apples, oats, fish, beans and avocados. On the daily.  I am also incorporating chia/flax, soy, greens, nuts/seeds, and berries. 

What I am learning, is that when you can only five basic foods a day--- you have to get creative.  Every morning I consider my options and come up with something new.

Oats have been a big one because, while I enjoy oatmeal, I just don't want it every day.  Thank goodness for Google and online recipes! I made an oil & sugar-free granola and have been finding ways to incorporate it throughout the day.   My favorite dessert right now is soy yogurt with chopped-up apples, and oat granola, topped with a little chia/flax, cinnamon, and nutmeg.  De-Lish!  

Today I really wanted pancakes-- but that's not part of the heart-healthy plan. BUT  I got to thinking--could I make it with oatmeal? And, it turns out, YEAH absolutely.  1/2 c oatmeal soaked in 1/2 c soy milk until it gets soft. I mixed it in with a little basic pancake stuff and apples (of course).  Topped it with the date/walnut peanut butter I got in Jefferson yesterday and a splash of honey.  Double-De-Lish!  

Fish has been tough for me. Before this, I didn't think I liked tuna or salmon.  Turns out it is okay.  I bought a bunch of the pouches and have been using them to make stuff.  Stuff like delicious salmon patties, siracha tuna, mango salmon, and more. Each pouch is only around 70 to 90 calories and chock full of all the stuff I need to keep my heart happy.   I also bought some cod and salmon fillets. Air fryer fish---yes, please.  Who knew? Probably everyone but me.  

BEANS, I love them. Beans have not been hard. I made a yummy bean salad and added it to everything. I made some black beans and used them to make up some air fryer taquitos, enchiladas, and quesadillas.  Mexican-ish food--all the way! And hummus. Hummus--yes, please.  I will take all the hummus (within my calorie range of course). 

Avocados have been relatively easy, just add 1/2 avocado to lunch and dinner. It works. 

Apples are the same. Add a little apple to everything and you are there. 

Those are the big 5. Let's see how creative I can get moving forward.

Operation LDC (lower Debi's cholesterol) is back in action! 

Unconscious Bias-- or is it? Whatever it is, it's time to do better

 This weekend I have become acutely aware of the subtle ways society disrespects women and conditions them to be okay with it. It started at a basketball game. But once you start looking, it's tough to un-see it. And suddenly it's everywhere. Of course, it has always been everywhere, you have just been complacent in it--- and that, dear me, is the real problem.  Complacency allows bad things to continue unchecked. 

It has me thinking....

• Why are all the female teams lady this or lady that, Gal something, or the "ness". When you see a bobcat in the wild, do you stop and say... "well, that's not actually a bobcat--it's a lady cat"  or worse a "gal-cat'? What is that all about?  And more importantly....why are we okay with this?  Why do we tolerate it?  The female teams are bobcats, pirates, Vikings, or any other ridiculous mascot you can come up with. What is the point of adding the "lady" or "gal" in front, or the "ness" at the end? This is on the same level as the whole "lady boss" debacle and NO ONE needs that in their life.  Let's put an end to this sexist trend and focus on the awesome-"ness" of all the ATHLETES

• WHY do the boy's games have a halftime but not the girls? Do the girls not get tired after two periods?  Are they not working as hard as the boys? Is their sport not as physically grueling?  I mean, I am not much of a ball player, but I can tell you those girls I was watching yesterday left it ALL on the floor. They were badass and unapologetic about it.  And yet...no break for them. 4 periods, 8 minutes.  Power through. The boys' team on the other hand...2 periods of 8 minutes, a half-time break, followed by two more 8-minute periods.  They got a chance to at least partially rest and recover from all the running, blocking, shooting, and whatever else happens on the floor.  But the girls, nope. Power through. Push on. No break for you. I mean, after all, we have to get you off the floor so the REAL athletes can start.  But really, if you look at it....who's the tougher athlete in this scenario? The ones who got to relax and take a break or the ones who powered through?  We know who the real badasses are. 
  
  
• Still with the game....why do only boys' teams get cheerleaders?  I mean the boys' team was not playing while the girls were playing.  Couldn't they be required to come out and cheer for the girls? Support their teammates?  I am not saying they need to wear a cheerleader costume and shake their pom-poms--because really that is a whole other issue in itself. But, they could certainly sit in the stands, in their practice jerseys, and cheer on the team.  To be fair, there were a few members of both male teams standing outside the dressing room--- laughing and joking around with their friends. Paying very little attention or respect to their teammates.   But you know what, as soon as the girls' game was done, they were dressed--some in regular clothes and others in cheerleading costumes-- and posted up courtside to cheer on the boys' team.  Is there a reason ALL students are not taught or expected to support their teammates? Is that expectation--- or maybe just that generosity-- unique to females?

• And lest you think all of my examples came from a high school basketball game, let me tell you about a meeting I went to recently. Two speakers were there. One was invited as the primary speaker and was asked to speak for about 20 minutes.  This speaker has a doctorate in education and is a member of the state education agency. The second speaker was invited as a secondary speaker and was asked to speak for about 10 minutes. This speaker holds a prominent position in a local rural school district and does not have a doctorate degree.  The primary speaker-- who holds a state position and a higher degree-- spoke for 10 minutes (or less) and constantly referred to the second speaker as if they were the expert.  Then when the secondary speaker's time came, they spoke for 20-plus minutes and referred to the first speaker without using their hard-earned title of DR (this is a major pet peeve of mine. I am not saying use the title in everyday interactions. But in professional settings? Abso-freaking -lutely. Honor the degree). IMHO they even slid in a few jabs at the primary speaker's approach (but I might be sensitive to it).  Okay, if you have been following me throughout this chat, you can probably figure out which speaker was female and which one was male. 
  
  
• Now please note, I am not saying either of these speakers did any of these actions intentionally. I am sure that the first speaker (who, as you now know, was female) was being polite and respectful by trying to share the time with and acknowledge the second speaker. I am also sure that the second speaker (male) never intentionally tried to take more time than he was allotted, position himself as the authoritative one, or disrespect speaker number one. And THAT'S my point. It's so ingrained that it becomes our unconscious way of being.  It's just the way things are.  I do wonder though, do you think the primary speaker learned what was expected during her early school years--perhaps on a "lady" sports team. Was she conditioned to defer? 
  
  
• I am also aware that not ALL school districts disrespect their female athletes so blatantly-- but it does seem to be the rule more than the exception. And I am also sure it is not limited to sports. 

So, what's the big deal, right? Why am I bothered by this? Boys' sports take priority. It doesn't mean the girls aren't important, it's just the way things are.  The girls don't mind.  They don't mind being called ladies and gals. They don't mind that smaller crowds attend their games (although that could be due to the earlier start time -- which is another subtle slight).  It's just the way sports work.  

Here is why it's an issue.  This process is teaching these girls to accept less. To ask for less. To be smaller even.  We are conditioning our young women to accept their place in this "man's world." Play hard, leave it all on the floor.  Then when your game is over, come out and cheer on the real team.  

Boys, who become men, are taught to take up space.  To be loud.  To be direct. To be an authority. To be in charge. To demand respect.   Even their deeper voices seem to command an audience to listen.  Is that their fault? Should they take up less space? Ask for less respect?  No, of course not.  But --- could we perhaps teach our girls--who become women-- the same things? Could we treat them the same way?  Could we encourage them to demand respect? To take up space. To be loud. To be direct. To be in charge. To never back down. Never defer.  To never accept less than they want, deserve, or earn.  To be THEMSELVES.  

I hope my granddaughters never experience this. I want them to go to a school where their teams are not labeled with feminine add-ons to differentiate them from the "real" players and where parents, community members, school leaders, and classmates support ALL teams equally. Regardless of gender.   I want my granddaughters to grow up to become strong, confident, independent, respected women--- and to NEVER be belittled or labeled because of it. Is that too much to ask for? 

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better,  do better." 

It's 2024.  I think as a society, we know better.  Now it's time to step up and DO BETTER. 

2024-- The year of "No Shoulding on Myself"

 January 1, 2024.

Feels so crazy to type that. 2024! What?  How are we here? Since the pandemic in 2020, it feels like our country has been stuck. Stagnant?  In a Groundhog's Day kind of loop.  

But, me-- I have done all kinds of things since then. Lost family members, moved across the country, changed jobs, and tried to find a way to balance my fantasy self and my real self.   So, what does 2024 hold for me?  That's the question we are all asking ourselves right now, isn't it? What are my goals for this year? What are our resolutions?

Mine is simple-- stop "should-ing" on myself and listen to what I want or need in the moment. Live simpler. Live for me.  Let go of expectations. So while others are doing "no spend" years, "Dry January," and setting aggressive goals to lose weight, hike more, learn a new language, fall in love, and change their lives ( all of which I have tried in the past), I am going to focus on a "No Shoulds" year.  

That is my goal.  Stop forcing myself to do...or feeling guilty when I don't do...things that others or my fantasy self expect me to do.  Just listen to my real self at the moment and figure out what nurtures me at that time. 

Today is January 1.  My head says I "SHOULD" be out on a First Day Hike, communing with nature, and the hundreds of other people trying to get into the state parks.  My homebody heart says, stay home, avoid the crowds,  take down Christmas decorations, watch the Rose Parade, and relax on my day off.   So, that's what I am doing. Might even make some protein pancakes in a bit!

And that's as far as I have gotten....nothing else on my agenda because my goal is to listen to my head, heart, and body and do what feels right at that time. 

That is not to say I don't have some things I want to embrace this year.  I do.  I am human. We always have things we want to do.  It just means I am going to be gentle with myself as I incorporate them. 

1. Reconnect with things that used to bring me joy but somehow got lost-- art, writing, yoga, reading, etc. 

2. Take more day trips. Go exploring. Nothing grand. Just short day trips that fit into my budget and my life. 

3. Spend more time with people who make me happy--  kids, grands, family, and friends. 

4. Focus on self-care. Make healthy choices and accept me where I am.

5. Be open to whatever comes my way. Embrace opportunities. 

So, that's it. Nothing overly grand, but so VERY important.  Just loving me and enjoying life.  Whatever that looks like in the moment.

While the approaches may change, the overarching focus will hold true. Starting with 30-Day Yoga Flow with Adrianne. Reconnecting with something that used to bring me joy. Looking forward to the "flow."

Happy always,

Debi

You do You

On my mind today...

When it comes to personal choices that only impact the individual, what does it have to do with anyone else? Why must we waste resources debating these concepts? Involving the government? I mean... what does it have to do with the government? What? Why? 

I am a PRO individual choice. 

If you don't want to be gay....don't be gay.

If you don't want to have an abortion...don't have an abortion.

If you don't want to marry someone of the same sex....don't marry someone of your same sex, 

If you don't want to change your gender identity...don't change your gender identity.

If you don't want to read a certain book...don't read the book.

If you don't want to believe what someone else believes.. don't believe it. 

If you don't want to use marijuana...don't use it.

I mean come on.. It seems pretty simple to me. 

If you are not directly involved in the decision or the consequences... stay out of it.  Not for you.  You know? You do you, Boo.  And let everyone else, do everyone else.  

Posts I wish I had written......

 Everyday I am faced with stories and I think....oh I need to write that down so I can remember it.  Then, the moment passes, and I don't.  I need a good system. Maybe a voice recorder to record my thoughts when I have them to transcribe later. Maybe a notebook with me at all times.  Maybe a combination of both or something totally different! All I know for sure is that I am missing out on moments I want to remember. I just re-read my reflection on the January 6 2021 attack. Being able to return to how I felt in that exact moment was powerful. It would not have been so raw and real had I tried to recreate it days later.  

Things I have wanted to record but didn't.....

1. Papa telling the story of how he played the first game in the Apple Springs High School gym when it was completed 80 YEARS AGO! Yep, that's right 80 YEARS! What? !  He still goes over there to watch the games and is basically treated like ROYALTY.  He doesn't pay. The principle or one of the other administrators meets him at the door when he pulls up and walks him to the benches. He parks right in front of the school (in tne no parking area) which appears to be reserved for him. And YES at 96 years old, he is still driving himself around Apple Springs.  Fun times. 

2. The story Papa told me about how the old family church came to be. Who all the people were, where they lived, and how he knew them. Then the funny side story about how he had to go track down Uncle Jack (I think) to take him down to a neighbor's house to help deliver a cow...or maybe it was a horse.  Anyway. No phones in those days. So the neighbor told someone headed to Pa Clayton's store that they needed the "Doc." Pa Clayton told Papa to go get "Uncle Jack" (that may not be right). And the rest of the adventure began. This conversation then led to the first phones in the community. The first cars, and all the changes Papa has lived through.  He is at the point in his live where he LOVES recounting his stories and I truly enjoying hearing them! If only I could remember to record them! Next Time.

3. The story of the first time Papa saw a plane. He was outside working with Pa Clayton and they heard a strange noise. Once they finally figured out what it was, Pa Clayton grabbed his gun and started shooting at it! They thought it was probably looking for hidden stills or moonshiners and Pa didn't want them around. I asked Papa if Pa Clayton had a still and he said "Of Course NOT" but a lot of their neighbors did and Pa didn't want anyone bugging them!

4. Funny things my grandchildren have said or done. They are the MOST precious littles of all time-- obviously-- and I want to remember all the moments with them!

4. Reflections on my trip to Fort Parker and learning about the events that took place there.  That one is actually still relatively recent and the memories' are mine, so maybe I will actually write about that one day! 

I know there are a TON more because I remember having the thought that I should record these, but what it was is lost forever.  Do better Debi!!!

Any tips out there to help a girl out?